So, I am actually a total fuck up right now. Actually am so glad I'm not going to school with anyone I know ever again because it would just be such a mess. I mean, I just got a missed called from my ex-best friend's best friend, so I text her to ask why she'd called because we aren't friends and we don't speak. She called back but actually it wasn't her, it was my other ex-best friend. She asked if I was going to her gig, and I know for a fact that I'm not because I'm going to another gig that night and even though I absolutely adore her band I knew she would hate for me to be there so I decided to go elsewhere. I know all this for definite, so why the fuck did I say 'uh, I'm not sure yet why?' WHY DID I FUCKING SAY THAT?! So she told me not to come, and I said that I wouldn't because I think I'm going to the Bleached Wail gig. I AM GOING TO THE BLEACHED WAIL GIG! I don't think, I know. Why on earth am I such a bell-end? I think I was just in shock to hear her voice, because I miss her as a best-friend so much. I mean, she is stunning; beautiful, kind, funny, the best basically. I totally screwed her over, and it's properly understandable why she hates my guts and proper never wants anything at all to do with me ever again. Still, I do miss her so bloody much. So hearing her voice kinda turned my brain to mush I reckon, which is why I answered like a pleb and said the wrong things. Then she put the phone down like 'k bye' and I sat here, and I started crying! Jeez, I am actually an emotional wreck these days. Why would I cry because of this? It's pathetic I know, and this is just one of many reasons I'm glad that I am going to a new college with full-on new people. All my life is changing right now, I'm changing and it is good. It could be so, so much better but life is shit at the best of times so I may as well make the most of having the tiniest bit of a bright side to it just now.

Ugh, I feel rough! I don't know why at all, but these past couple days I've been feeling really quite ill. Today is NOT a good day to feel ill, I mean, I have a job interview in 3hours and 20minutes!! It's for Next, where apparently I can't work until I'm 16 and 10months, which isn't for another 8 months. So I don't see why they're giving me an interview, and I'm expecting them to say no but tell me to come back in 8 months or something. A little part of me still hopes that they might let me work there anyway, because I really need a job. I'm wanting to go to 3 festivals next year, coming to a total of £310 for tickets alone. Then there's booking fees, travel and all the food!! So I need the money, plus I always have local gigs to go to, and currently the ones I want to buy tickets for over the next couple of months come to about £70odd! So yeah, a job would be useful. No worries if I don't get this one though, I'll just apply to a tonne more and hope for the best. Gravity said they might take me in the next couple months if I get experience, hence why I'm volunteering at Cancer Research right now :) So I'm a little nervous for this afternoon, but yeah. I may do a bit of painting my mirror to take my mind off it. After I've had a shower and done my hair that is.

hmmm, so I don't know if this is a good idea or not. For me to start a blog.

Right, let's not start off with doubts. I'll just get into it and forget that I'm telling a tonne of random people everything about me; which is a bad, bad idea. But what the hell? It's not like I'm ever going to meet you guys, and I highly doubt that anyone is actually going to read this anyway. So yeah, no problems!

I'm actually planning on buying myself a really nice journal sometime this week, because I love the idea of keeping a diary but have never had the patience or control to manage to do it. So I figured, if I own a really neat journal then I might be more motivated to write in it all the time. I think I'll probably still write this when I get the journal, because I guess I wouldn't write any of this stuff in there. They will both be completely different so why not? Also, since I'm taking Art again for the next two years, and I don't do any drawing or artwork, I may draw in my journal as well as write. If I can be bothered, which to be honest I don't think I will but I'm all for planning things to happen (but then expecting them not to actually happen).

That's actually what has happened today, and it's put me in a rate bad mood I tell you! Seriously, I don't even know why I ever get my hopes up any more because any plans I make always fall through, and then I'm left miserable and disappointed. I was really excited for today as well, I even set my alarm for 10.30am so that I would have plenty of time to be up and ready and showered to go out. Then I got a text off Liam saying his mum told him he has to go out with family tonight so he can't come to the cinema with me. I was like, oh never mind it's all right. But really I'd had an inkling that he was going to say that, because when we had planned to go shopping in Manchester on Wednesday he told me he couldn't go any more because his dad wanted him to help him buy their new car. Oh well, we'll just go another day.

Also though, I was going to go to Ste's in 15minutes to watch Cherrybomb and play Monopoly and drink booze and order in a pizza. Then he was going to drop me off at the cinema so my mum didn't have to find out that I'd been drinking. But now I'm really not in the mood, I just want to sit here being grumpy and do fuck all. Which is what I'm going to do because I told Ste that I couldn't come any more and we'd have to do it another day. I'm so mean, but I don't even care today because I'm in a foul mood.

So today my plans consist of sitting on here all day in my dressing gown until I can be bothered to go and see if I can get the iron to work. Then when it still doesn't work I may get changed so that my mum doesn't tell me that I'm lazy when she gets back at teatime from Wales (oh and here's something, she went to visit my aunt who I love to bits, and I would have liked to go but I told Pippyroll I'd go into town with her yesterday so I stayed home. Then I went into town after mum had left, and it was lovely and I bought a calendar. But it was a bit crap because it was a Sunday, so we walked back to my house and watched Dr. Doolittle and that was nice. Then I text Kate and asked if she'd like to come round because I was pretty much home alone except for my brother, but she never replied so I had a crap night. Then it got even more crap because I got informed that my favourite cousin was also in Wales with my mum, so I didn't get to see her! Then I cheered up a bit because I made all my plans for today so it was a good compromise. But now I really wish I could have gone to Wales because my two days have been utter bollocks! Ooh, but on the plus side when my mum comes home she will have got my D of E Bronze book signed so I can hand that it and it will finally be finished. Plus, she will have a check for me from my aunt for £110!! This is because I did well in my GCSEs. Sound!) Right, then after I've got changed I will either come back on here or watch TV and just generally be a lazy slob all day. Great.

Ugh, I'll stop moaning. For now. Bye