So today I'm at my dad's, I haven't seen him since August 17th when we got back from holiday so I'm glad to be here. Only problem (although I do like it in some ways) is that he always has nice food in: chocolate spread, white bread, chocolate biscuits, chocolate cereal, crisps etc. So after a reasonable week of eating at just teatime I am now going to undo all that in one weekend. However, I only come every 2 weeks so I can just go back to not eating in between. Also, football starts on Monday but I'm not sure if my French class will have been changed yet so I might not be able to go. I will have to go to College earlier to ask and then I might have two hours of football to burn off some of this grub :) If not then I have Cancer Research after college which is like a bloody workout, then dance on Thursday so I'll be fine. This week has been wank. I hate college already, just after 1 week. Not a good start. I'm thinking of trying to drop French maybe in a couple weeks, if I still really don't like college then I might see what castle is like and try it there. Idk. I just don't like working so I guess I won't like that either. Maybe I just need to get out more and see more of my friends, and make more new friends so I don't feel so alone. I have a tonne of homework already, Art and Photography is part of my course so I don't mind so much 'cause at least I'm getting started but Spanish we've had 4 pieces from two lessons. None of which are coursework, and French I didn't even want to take as a subject so that's right at the bottom of the pile. Next weekend should be good though, get Leanne sleeping round Friday, might try meet Liam Saturday. TWO gigs Saturday night and I get to see Charlie, and might try see him Sunday too. Then TWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB NEXT MONDAY!!!!!!!!!!!! My excitement is unreal :') I really can't wait, get all giddy thinking about it :) :) Plus, my new room has had the first of the wallpaper up! Finally. So we just need to find matching paint, paint 3 walls, put up the rest of the wallpaper then I can sort of furniture and move in!!!!!!! I can't wait haha Plus I'm going the get a tonne of Ben 10 stuff like a lamp, a bin, bedding, a clock :) :) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY :) Just doing my photography so yeah, laterz ;)

College is wank. Today was better than yesterday because I had better lessons, and I quite enjoyed photography but I have 3 pieces of homework due in for 2 days time and another piece in for Monday. I will probably get another piece tomorrow which will either be due in Friday or next Wednesday. It's wank. I'm not doing any yet though, I'll do all the Thursday pieces tomorrow 'cause we have the afternoon off :) THANK FUCK FOR THAT!! I went to see about Enrichment today aswell, as I do fuck all exercise. Ever. So I've signed up for StreetDance and Girl's Football. This means that I had to swap my French lessons though. So I've fucked up my timetable and now only get one late start a week (instead of two) and one early finish (instead of two). Also, the day I finish early I have to 'volunteer' at the Cancer Research shop :| FML wank.wank.wank

Let's just let it all out shall we? Starting from the beginning, as in last night.

So I had a ticket for the LAST EVER Bleached Wail gig at the Sugarmill last night, and I went and met Rosanne, Georgia, Rae, Kathryn, Penny and Penny's odd boyfriend, Sam there. But I saw Dan and Tom outside so went and spoke to them and walked in with them so I didn't have to walk in alone. I recently upset Dan by telling Tom that he had asked me for sex. Which he did, but I didn't think that Dan might not want Tom to know this as Tom is his best friend and knows everything so I presumed he already knew. However, Dan got angry and hasn't spoken to me since. So when he saw me he waved but didn't act normal - he used to be happy to see me, hug me, say hi etc but all I got was a simple wave. So I stood and spoke to Tom. Then I stood with the girls for a while before any bands came on. I wasn't expecting to see anyone else I knew, but in walks in all the guys I know and I was like 'Oh fuck, what if Scragg's there?' Fortunately he wasn't, that would have been awkward and upsetting. So we watched the first band from the platform, then we went proper into the mosh for Bleached Wail like right in the fucking centre. It was amazing, no matter how battered and bruised I am this morning I enjoyed it so, so much. I full on straddled this guy, got a crowd-surfer land on my head, and made a friend with someone who was practically forced into dry humping me from the side. Lush ;) He was a hottie. As a bonus, Rich was there. Rich is gorgeous, we've kissed before but no-one knows and I love that because it's like our little secret. Last night he held my face in my hands, and when I asked why he did it he said 'because you're dead good looookin' Whatta charmer?! ;) :P However, the age-old topic cropped up of 'you shagged your best mates boyfriend, behind her back!' 'you sucked scragg's dick, and swallowed his jizz' etc. This is true, but it's old and I wish people would move on. Even just a little bit, I take the shit in my stride because I don't wanna show how much it upsets me. Then I started to get upset because 'my best-friend's boyfriend' hugs me so sweetly and tells me how he 'loved' me and still likes me, and then he always kisses me on the forehead and it just knocks the wind out of my sails a little every time. So I had to just move away, and I came home on a high all sweaty and exciteable :) GOOD NIGHT BASICALLY AND I NEED MORE LIKE THAT TO GET ME BACK ON TRACK!

Then today. What. A. Pilarva! I woke up at HALF PAST SIX! :| Most painful period pains I've EVER had, tried even position and ended up getting out of bed and going to get a hot water bottle and hotchocolate. I curled up on the sofa and watched Sisterhood of the travelling pants, gave into ibruprofen and bawled my eyes out. MY plans got ruined, i went for 'coffee and cake' with my mum, watched mean girls, applied to the bodyshop, ate shit loads of food and read through old birthday cards, tumblr 30day letter challenge of which i did 3, and my leavers book. Cried some more. Looked at this dead creepy thing about 911, cried some more. and yeah. i enjoyed today i guess. but i need a fresh start. i gave up on my 4 week plan, but im guna try and do it my way from monday cos i want a routine for college so yeah. just opened up proper good there.

Everything is such a downer these days, life's pretty wank if I'm honest with you. I really hope college turns out to be alright so it can cheer me up because if it's wank like I think it will be I'll just get all depressed. I wish I had a guy to be honest, I wanna be dating someone or seeing someone. Make life a tad more worth it, a bit interesting and exciting, give me something to look forward to sometimes.

Okay, so I started two new things today. 1) College and 2) My 4week plan for dieting/exercise. College was pretty wank if I'm honest with you; not quite as bad as going back to school would've been but still, I could do without it really. But Day1 of my 4week plan went well. I didn't eat all day until I had my tea at half 6ish - half a pack of egg fried rice, quorn chicken pieces and baked beans. I reckon that was quite healthy as well because it was only 480 and the baked beans were 1of my 5a-day. Then I had a cereal bar straight after which was 92cals and later on some ice-cream and a chocolate biscuit. So that was bad, but still my total calories all day was only 761 and I'm allowed 1000. I won't eat anything else now today, and I walked into Newcastle this morning instead of getting a bus - that's half an hour/40minutes. Plus I walked around college and around Hanley/Newcastle so I think my exercise for the day has been okay. Oh, and I took the dog for a quick walk. I will do 100crunches when I'm done on the computer and then I'm sorted.

Today I am going to get my hair cut, and also I shall get it dyed brown :) Then I will be well chuffed, but I am deciding whether to have a bath before I go (I will leave in just under 2 hours) or when I come home. Thing is, I told Sara and Tom I'd be at Explorers tonight so either way I have about 2 hours to have a bath and stuff. Think I'll have one in a minute because I don't want to get freshly dyed hair wet do I really? Bad idea. So yeah, problem solved! I was also going to hand out a couple application forms and CVs today but I can't be arsed quite frankly. I will just wait until Monday when I go with Liam. Plus, I really need to call the Cancer Research shop and tell them I will work Monday 9-12 because I'm nice like that. Also, I need to make my sandwiches for the weekend, sort out the tent and finish packing. Ooh, busy bee I am today. I'm too lazy to do all this though, and I hardly slept last night because I've been sleeping really badly lately and I don't know why :( Ugh, I can't even be bothered to write this now. I feel a headache coming on. I'm going to have a bath and go die.

My tummy hurts :(

I had the most weird dream ever last night. It was like set 2 weeks from now I guess, and I figured I'd just been to a gig or something because it was night and I was in Hanley up the road from the Underground. Anyway, I walked past the end of this alleyway and saw my ex-best friend being held up against the world by some dodgy guy so I started having a go at him and telling him to back off and yeah there was arguing and shouting etc.... Then he lets her go and I tell him to fuck off so he starts walking away and she's all like 'Oh my god, thank you so much!' So I tell her that it's no problem, I mean it's the least I can do when I was a total cunt to her so she shouldn't mention it. She then says 'Oh yeah, right. True.' and walks off, leaving me alone in a dark alley and doesn't give a single look back! Then when she's well out of sight the dodgy guy comes back and starts holding me up against the wall! He gets out a knife and holds it to my neck and I'm begging him to stop but he won't, then Palmer walks past, looks at us in a stoned-as-fuck-from-cocaine kind of way and goes 'Sorry mate' and walks off. Then the dodgy guy pushes the knife into my skin so I start crying a calling Palmer's name, telling him to come back and help. He doesn't come so I start screaming 'Alex, please. Help, please!' and this parts of the dreams really sad and a tad scary. So Palmer stumbles back round the corner, stands and looks closer and is like 'Oh, it's you!' He starts walking closer and is like, 'Mate, do you wanna fuck off and leave her the fuck alone?' The dodgy guys not having it and tells him to fuck off, so Palmer grabs him and shoves him to the floor and starts shouting at him and kicking him. I'm stood there, crying, telling him to call the police or something and stop kicking him because he's gonna kill him or something. Then we have a discussion about how he can't call the police because they hate him and will take him to prison for drugs etc. so he just knocks the dodgy guy out and we walk off...

Few days later, I'm watching the news and a story comes up that this guy was found dead in an alleyway in Hanley and there's CCTV footage of Palmer beating him up and me stood there watching. So I'm like, fuck, basically. Palmer calls, tells me to get money and stuff and meet him. Then basically we ran away but that's my dream.

Great, isn't it?!