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ask away . . . http://formspring.me/psitsfanny

if you could be absolutely anything but yourself, what would you be??

I actually haven't got any idea, maybe a superhero. Failing that a cat.

ask away . . .

What's your favorite city?

Ooooooooh, that's tough! I love Spain and Italy, but have never been to Italy so Barcelona I guess. I think I'd like Madrid but I've not been yet. I genuinely loved Bangkok as well though so there also :)

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Wow! I haven't blogged in almost a whole month! That's bad. I realise I need to start doing it more because it feels good to vent and I need to cheer the fuck up these days; I'm getting pretty damn depressed. I HATE college very nearly as much as school - rules don't suit me, there's too much work for someone as lazy as me, I have to take French which I don't want to(but atleast only until like May/June time), I'm there almost all day everyday which is the worst because I hope for more free time at college and I hardly have any. My late day was a Wednesday - I didn't have to start 'til 11 but now I have to come in 40minutes earlier just for fucking French speaking practice which I really don't want. We're now supposed to go to that on a weekly basis (and might get a slot in Spanish aswell!) however since I dislike French and don't give a single fuck if I fail it cos im only doing the AS then I may turn up late/not at all sometimes :) Plus, this whole Charlie thing seems to be going just a shittily as things have gone with any other guy for me. I just can't do it, and I mean I really want this to work out because I think it would be good for me and make a change but he seems to not care much or he's scared because of what he's heard about me maybe? Which is stupid because he didn't know me then and he hasn't spoken to me about it and most of the stuff that goes round about me isn't 100% true. Well hopefully I'm just being overly stressy/worried about this and it will turn out ok.

^^K, so I wrote all that like an hour ago. I stopped because my stepdad came storming up the stairs all stroppy so I put my work on the screen so he couldn't have a go at me and then I ended up being like 'COME ON LIZZIE! YOU CAN WRITE THIS FUCKING ESSAY!' So I've just finished it ha :) And now I'm really not in the mood to rant because I know it will just get me all depressed when I'm slightly happier right now, now that I know I won't have that work to do. Just all my art and photography, and my French essay but that's for next week so I'm not even thinking about it. K bye.

So today I'm at my dad's, I haven't seen him since August 17th when we got back from holiday so I'm glad to be here. Only problem (although I do like it in some ways) is that he always has nice food in: chocolate spread, white bread, chocolate biscuits, chocolate cereal, crisps etc. So after a reasonable week of eating at just teatime I am now going to undo all that in one weekend. However, I only come every 2 weeks so I can just go back to not eating in between. Also, football starts on Monday but I'm not sure if my French class will have been changed yet so I might not be able to go. I will have to go to College earlier to ask and then I might have two hours of football to burn off some of this grub :) If not then I have Cancer Research after college which is like a bloody workout, then dance on Thursday so I'll be fine. This week has been wank. I hate college already, just after 1 week. Not a good start. I'm thinking of trying to drop French maybe in a couple weeks, if I still really don't like college then I might see what castle is like and try it there. Idk. I just don't like working so I guess I won't like that either. Maybe I just need to get out more and see more of my friends, and make more new friends so I don't feel so alone. I have a tonne of homework already, Art and Photography is part of my course so I don't mind so much 'cause at least I'm getting started but Spanish we've had 4 pieces from two lessons. None of which are coursework, and French I didn't even want to take as a subject so that's right at the bottom of the pile. Next weekend should be good though, get Leanne sleeping round Friday, might try meet Liam Saturday. TWO gigs Saturday night and I get to see Charlie, and might try see him Sunday too. Then TWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB NEXT MONDAY!!!!!!!!!!!! My excitement is unreal :') I really can't wait, get all giddy thinking about it :) :) Plus, my new room has had the first of the wallpaper up! Finally. So we just need to find matching paint, paint 3 walls, put up the rest of the wallpaper then I can sort of furniture and move in!!!!!!! I can't wait haha Plus I'm going the get a tonne of Ben 10 stuff like a lamp, a bin, bedding, a clock :) :) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY :) Just doing my photography so yeah, laterz ;)

College is wank. Today was better than yesterday because I had better lessons, and I quite enjoyed photography but I have 3 pieces of homework due in for 2 days time and another piece in for Monday. I will probably get another piece tomorrow which will either be due in Friday or next Wednesday. It's wank. I'm not doing any yet though, I'll do all the Thursday pieces tomorrow 'cause we have the afternoon off :) THANK FUCK FOR THAT!! I went to see about Enrichment today aswell, as I do fuck all exercise. Ever. So I've signed up for StreetDance and Girl's Football. This means that I had to swap my French lessons though. So I've fucked up my timetable and now only get one late start a week (instead of two) and one early finish (instead of two). Also, the day I finish early I have to 'volunteer' at the Cancer Research shop :| FML wank.wank.wank

Let's just let it all out shall we? Starting from the beginning, as in last night.

So I had a ticket for the LAST EVER Bleached Wail gig at the Sugarmill last night, and I went and met Rosanne, Georgia, Rae, Kathryn, Penny and Penny's odd boyfriend, Sam there. But I saw Dan and Tom outside so went and spoke to them and walked in with them so I didn't have to walk in alone. I recently upset Dan by telling Tom that he had asked me for sex. Which he did, but I didn't think that Dan might not want Tom to know this as Tom is his best friend and knows everything so I presumed he already knew. However, Dan got angry and hasn't spoken to me since. So when he saw me he waved but didn't act normal - he used to be happy to see me, hug me, say hi etc but all I got was a simple wave. So I stood and spoke to Tom. Then I stood with the girls for a while before any bands came on. I wasn't expecting to see anyone else I knew, but in walks in all the guys I know and I was like 'Oh fuck, what if Scragg's there?' Fortunately he wasn't, that would have been awkward and upsetting. So we watched the first band from the platform, then we went proper into the mosh for Bleached Wail like right in the fucking centre. It was amazing, no matter how battered and bruised I am this morning I enjoyed it so, so much. I full on straddled this guy, got a crowd-surfer land on my head, and made a friend with someone who was practically forced into dry humping me from the side. Lush ;) He was a hottie. As a bonus, Rich was there. Rich is gorgeous, we've kissed before but no-one knows and I love that because it's like our little secret. Last night he held my face in my hands, and when I asked why he did it he said 'because you're dead good looookin' Whatta charmer?! ;) :P However, the age-old topic cropped up of 'you shagged your best mates boyfriend, behind her back!' 'you sucked scragg's dick, and swallowed his jizz' etc. This is true, but it's old and I wish people would move on. Even just a little bit, I take the shit in my stride because I don't wanna show how much it upsets me. Then I started to get upset because 'my best-friend's boyfriend' hugs me so sweetly and tells me how he 'loved' me and still likes me, and then he always kisses me on the forehead and it just knocks the wind out of my sails a little every time. So I had to just move away, and I came home on a high all sweaty and exciteable :) GOOD NIGHT BASICALLY AND I NEED MORE LIKE THAT TO GET ME BACK ON TRACK!

Then today. What. A. Pilarva! I woke up at HALF PAST SIX! :| Most painful period pains I've EVER had, tried even position and ended up getting out of bed and going to get a hot water bottle and hotchocolate. I curled up on the sofa and watched Sisterhood of the travelling pants, gave into ibruprofen and bawled my eyes out. MY plans got ruined, i went for 'coffee and cake' with my mum, watched mean girls, applied to the bodyshop, ate shit loads of food and read through old birthday cards, tumblr 30day letter challenge of which i did 3, and my leavers book. Cried some more. Looked at this dead creepy thing about 911, cried some more. and yeah. i enjoyed today i guess. but i need a fresh start. i gave up on my 4 week plan, but im guna try and do it my way from monday cos i want a routine for college so yeah. just opened up proper good there.

Everything is such a downer these days, life's pretty wank if I'm honest with you. I really hope college turns out to be alright so it can cheer me up because if it's wank like I think it will be I'll just get all depressed. I wish I had a guy to be honest, I wanna be dating someone or seeing someone. Make life a tad more worth it, a bit interesting and exciting, give me something to look forward to sometimes.

Okay, so I started two new things today. 1) College and 2) My 4week plan for dieting/exercise. College was pretty wank if I'm honest with you; not quite as bad as going back to school would've been but still, I could do without it really. But Day1 of my 4week plan went well. I didn't eat all day until I had my tea at half 6ish - half a pack of egg fried rice, quorn chicken pieces and baked beans. I reckon that was quite healthy as well because it was only 480 and the baked beans were 1of my 5a-day. Then I had a cereal bar straight after which was 92cals and later on some ice-cream and a chocolate biscuit. So that was bad, but still my total calories all day was only 761 and I'm allowed 1000. I won't eat anything else now today, and I walked into Newcastle this morning instead of getting a bus - that's half an hour/40minutes. Plus I walked around college and around Hanley/Newcastle so I think my exercise for the day has been okay. Oh, and I took the dog for a quick walk. I will do 100crunches when I'm done on the computer and then I'm sorted.

Today I am going to get my hair cut, and also I shall get it dyed brown :) Then I will be well chuffed, but I am deciding whether to have a bath before I go (I will leave in just under 2 hours) or when I come home. Thing is, I told Sara and Tom I'd be at Explorers tonight so either way I have about 2 hours to have a bath and stuff. Think I'll have one in a minute because I don't want to get freshly dyed hair wet do I really? Bad idea. So yeah, problem solved! I was also going to hand out a couple application forms and CVs today but I can't be arsed quite frankly. I will just wait until Monday when I go with Liam. Plus, I really need to call the Cancer Research shop and tell them I will work Monday 9-12 because I'm nice like that. Also, I need to make my sandwiches for the weekend, sort out the tent and finish packing. Ooh, busy bee I am today. I'm too lazy to do all this though, and I hardly slept last night because I've been sleeping really badly lately and I don't know why :( Ugh, I can't even be bothered to write this now. I feel a headache coming on. I'm going to have a bath and go die.

My tummy hurts :(

I had the most weird dream ever last night. It was like set 2 weeks from now I guess, and I figured I'd just been to a gig or something because it was night and I was in Hanley up the road from the Underground. Anyway, I walked past the end of this alleyway and saw my ex-best friend being held up against the world by some dodgy guy so I started having a go at him and telling him to back off and yeah there was arguing and shouting etc.... Then he lets her go and I tell him to fuck off so he starts walking away and she's all like 'Oh my god, thank you so much!' So I tell her that it's no problem, I mean it's the least I can do when I was a total cunt to her so she shouldn't mention it. She then says 'Oh yeah, right. True.' and walks off, leaving me alone in a dark alley and doesn't give a single look back! Then when she's well out of sight the dodgy guy comes back and starts holding me up against the wall! He gets out a knife and holds it to my neck and I'm begging him to stop but he won't, then Palmer walks past, looks at us in a stoned-as-fuck-from-cocaine kind of way and goes 'Sorry mate' and walks off. Then the dodgy guy pushes the knife into my skin so I start crying a calling Palmer's name, telling him to come back and help. He doesn't come so I start screaming 'Alex, please. Help, please!' and this parts of the dreams really sad and a tad scary. So Palmer stumbles back round the corner, stands and looks closer and is like 'Oh, it's you!' He starts walking closer and is like, 'Mate, do you wanna fuck off and leave her the fuck alone?' The dodgy guys not having it and tells him to fuck off, so Palmer grabs him and shoves him to the floor and starts shouting at him and kicking him. I'm stood there, crying, telling him to call the police or something and stop kicking him because he's gonna kill him or something. Then we have a discussion about how he can't call the police because they hate him and will take him to prison for drugs etc. so he just knocks the dodgy guy out and we walk off...

Few days later, I'm watching the news and a story comes up that this guy was found dead in an alleyway in Hanley and there's CCTV footage of Palmer beating him up and me stood there watching. So I'm like, fuck, basically. Palmer calls, tells me to get money and stuff and meet him. Then basically we ran away but that's my dream.

Great, isn't it?!

So, I am actually a total fuck up right now. Actually am so glad I'm not going to school with anyone I know ever again because it would just be such a mess. I mean, I just got a missed called from my ex-best friend's best friend, so I text her to ask why she'd called because we aren't friends and we don't speak. She called back but actually it wasn't her, it was my other ex-best friend. She asked if I was going to her gig, and I know for a fact that I'm not because I'm going to another gig that night and even though I absolutely adore her band I knew she would hate for me to be there so I decided to go elsewhere. I know all this for definite, so why the fuck did I say 'uh, I'm not sure yet why?' WHY DID I FUCKING SAY THAT?! So she told me not to come, and I said that I wouldn't because I think I'm going to the Bleached Wail gig. I AM GOING TO THE BLEACHED WAIL GIG! I don't think, I know. Why on earth am I such a bell-end? I think I was just in shock to hear her voice, because I miss her as a best-friend so much. I mean, she is stunning; beautiful, kind, funny, the best basically. I totally screwed her over, and it's properly understandable why she hates my guts and proper never wants anything at all to do with me ever again. Still, I do miss her so bloody much. So hearing her voice kinda turned my brain to mush I reckon, which is why I answered like a pleb and said the wrong things. Then she put the phone down like 'k bye' and I sat here, and I started crying! Jeez, I am actually an emotional wreck these days. Why would I cry because of this? It's pathetic I know, and this is just one of many reasons I'm glad that I am going to a new college with full-on new people. All my life is changing right now, I'm changing and it is good. It could be so, so much better but life is shit at the best of times so I may as well make the most of having the tiniest bit of a bright side to it just now.

Ugh, I feel rough! I don't know why at all, but these past couple days I've been feeling really quite ill. Today is NOT a good day to feel ill, I mean, I have a job interview in 3hours and 20minutes!! It's for Next, where apparently I can't work until I'm 16 and 10months, which isn't for another 8 months. So I don't see why they're giving me an interview, and I'm expecting them to say no but tell me to come back in 8 months or something. A little part of me still hopes that they might let me work there anyway, because I really need a job. I'm wanting to go to 3 festivals next year, coming to a total of £310 for tickets alone. Then there's booking fees, travel and all the food!! So I need the money, plus I always have local gigs to go to, and currently the ones I want to buy tickets for over the next couple of months come to about £70odd! So yeah, a job would be useful. No worries if I don't get this one though, I'll just apply to a tonne more and hope for the best. Gravity said they might take me in the next couple months if I get experience, hence why I'm volunteering at Cancer Research right now :) So I'm a little nervous for this afternoon, but yeah. I may do a bit of painting my mirror to take my mind off it. After I've had a shower and done my hair that is.

hmmm, so I don't know if this is a good idea or not. For me to start a blog.

Right, let's not start off with doubts. I'll just get into it and forget that I'm telling a tonne of random people everything about me; which is a bad, bad idea. But what the hell? It's not like I'm ever going to meet you guys, and I highly doubt that anyone is actually going to read this anyway. So yeah, no problems!

I'm actually planning on buying myself a really nice journal sometime this week, because I love the idea of keeping a diary but have never had the patience or control to manage to do it. So I figured, if I own a really neat journal then I might be more motivated to write in it all the time. I think I'll probably still write this when I get the journal, because I guess I wouldn't write any of this stuff in there. They will both be completely different so why not? Also, since I'm taking Art again for the next two years, and I don't do any drawing or artwork, I may draw in my journal as well as write. If I can be bothered, which to be honest I don't think I will but I'm all for planning things to happen (but then expecting them not to actually happen).

That's actually what has happened today, and it's put me in a rate bad mood I tell you! Seriously, I don't even know why I ever get my hopes up any more because any plans I make always fall through, and then I'm left miserable and disappointed. I was really excited for today as well, I even set my alarm for 10.30am so that I would have plenty of time to be up and ready and showered to go out. Then I got a text off Liam saying his mum told him he has to go out with family tonight so he can't come to the cinema with me. I was like, oh never mind it's all right. But really I'd had an inkling that he was going to say that, because when we had planned to go shopping in Manchester on Wednesday he told me he couldn't go any more because his dad wanted him to help him buy their new car. Oh well, we'll just go another day.

Also though, I was going to go to Ste's in 15minutes to watch Cherrybomb and play Monopoly and drink booze and order in a pizza. Then he was going to drop me off at the cinema so my mum didn't have to find out that I'd been drinking. But now I'm really not in the mood, I just want to sit here being grumpy and do fuck all. Which is what I'm going to do because I told Ste that I couldn't come any more and we'd have to do it another day. I'm so mean, but I don't even care today because I'm in a foul mood.

So today my plans consist of sitting on here all day in my dressing gown until I can be bothered to go and see if I can get the iron to work. Then when it still doesn't work I may get changed so that my mum doesn't tell me that I'm lazy when she gets back at teatime from Wales (oh and here's something, she went to visit my aunt who I love to bits, and I would have liked to go but I told Pippyroll I'd go into town with her yesterday so I stayed home. Then I went into town after mum had left, and it was lovely and I bought a calendar. But it was a bit crap because it was a Sunday, so we walked back to my house and watched Dr. Doolittle and that was nice. Then I text Kate and asked if she'd like to come round because I was pretty much home alone except for my brother, but she never replied so I had a crap night. Then it got even more crap because I got informed that my favourite cousin was also in Wales with my mum, so I didn't get to see her! Then I cheered up a bit because I made all my plans for today so it was a good compromise. But now I really wish I could have gone to Wales because my two days have been utter bollocks! Ooh, but on the plus side when my mum comes home she will have got my D of E Bronze book signed so I can hand that it and it will finally be finished. Plus, she will have a check for me from my aunt for £110!! This is because I did well in my GCSEs. Sound!) Right, then after I've got changed I will either come back on here or watch TV and just generally be a lazy slob all day. Great.

Ugh, I'll stop moaning. For now. Bye